The Power of NO!


This has been one interesting summer!

With Mercury and a bunch of other planets in retrograde, a feeling of going backwards has added a deepening to what is normally a fairly light time of year. So many I know are revisiting issues they thought long gone, from sticky relationship patterns to health challenges to money flying out the window.

Please know this is a ripe time for healing, for peeling another layer of the onion and getting to the core of the core of our old stuff.

To help, I’m writing a brand new series called:

The Power of No!

Because often we have to say NO before we can make room for YES. The first installment is here for you.

Don’t forget to get outside and allow nature to support you in this. Nature doesn’t grip onto the leaves come autumn. Nature follows those seasonal cycles with ease and has much to teach us. And the energy of fresh air, trees, sand, and ocean breezes generously helps us to be in the moment.

May the end of summer kiss you with sun and gentleness,


The Power of NO! – Part 1

Making Room for What You Want More of

By Kris Ferraro

The year of 2017 was in many ways a year of letting go for me. I said goodbye to my Dad, my house, some debilitating fantasies, and old ideas about what I thought my life was supposed to look like. What I thought I had always wanted, changed. And I didn’t realize how attached I had been to that old idea of “the perfect life”. But, after all, I had been feeding it my thoughts and feelings for many years. I had created a monster!

Even though my heart was aching for something different: a smaller, more down-town living space, less isolation, a healthier work-life balance, the Old Idea clung to me like a barnacle. Until I exercised an old but powerful lesson, the Power of NO.

Before I could say Yes to what I wanted more of: freedom, ease, surrender, faith, newness and openness, I had to learn to say No first. I needed to make room in my energy field and life for what I truly wanted.

We only have so many hours in the day, energy in our bodies, and focus in our minds.

On a good day when your energy is balanced, life is well organized, and everything is flowing just beautifully, you will have more of that available for yourselves and others. On a day when you wake up with a sinus infection, your son comes home from school furious, and the road was blocked on the way to work, you will have less time, energy, and focus. Yet, we don’t always adjust our giving to how to we feel and what we have from day to day.


The energy behind what, how, and why you do anything influences the outcome of those choices. If you give from a place of joy, you feed the energy of joy within you and get to experience more of it in your life. Now, even if it’s the same exact task or donation, but you’ve given from a feeling of obligation, you’ve increased the energy of bondage in your life. Because you feel: “I have to”, “I must”, “it’s expected”, “I’ve always”, “I said I would”, “no one else will” or whatever other reasoning that arises, your giving is tainted, for both you and the receiver. You’re telling yourself you don’t have a choice. Anytime we are not in choice, we can feel like a victim, of circumstances or other people. And feeling like a victim breeds resentment. You can resent the money and time you’ve spent and how that has made you feel. And resentment is a very debilitating emotion that blocks the energy flow of good in your life. 

I know what you’re thinking, “But you don’t understand, Kris! I have kids, a job, a spouse, a family, a community and I have to do ____________.”

Oh, believe me, I do understand. While my life may appear to have less of the conventional obligations than most, I have an Inner Good Girl archetype within me who is relentless. She always wants me to give, give, give, more, more, more and “Do the right thing!” And “the right thing” is always what she believes will be right for others without any regard whatsoever if its right for me. If I left it up to her, I’d be living in a cardboard box!

Obligation is painful. And exhausting.  

What to Do About It – Tapping on Obligation

(If you’re new to EFT or haven’t tapped in a while, here’s a great free manual to get you started.)

1.   Start with where you are. And tap. 

Tap on the thoughts about obligation. What do you believe you have to give and why do you have to give it?

An example of a Tapping Set Up Statement:

“Even though I have to bake that pie for the temple picnic, because I do it every year and my friends always looks forward to it, I really don’t want to do it this time.”

 “Even though I call my mom every day, I literally have only 5 minutes to myself and I just don’t feel like speaking to her right now, that’s where I’m at.”

Keep tapping until you feel the chains of obligation begin to loosen and lighten up.

2. Affirm your freedom of choice

Now add choice to your tapping.

“Even though this is what I’ve always done, I do have a choice and I’m choosing to __________” (take the night off, call her tomorrow, go to bed early, ask someone else to do it)

3. Change the way you think about it

If you really can’t stop doing what feels like an obligation, change the way you think about it. How does this obligation serve or benefit others? How did you think about it when you first started?  Inspired, optimistic, proud?  Set an intention to feel that way again. Look at the long-range benefits of it. If you donate money to a charity, how is that charity helping others? Research what its outcomes are. Essentially, turn what feels like an obligation into an empowered choice.

When you get unburdened by obligations, your energy field will feel lighter and freer. Life will present you with new choices. When you say NO to obligations, you can say YES to spending your time, money, and energy on what truly matters to you.

Kris Ferraro is an International Energy Coach, Speaker, and Teacher. She compassionately helps clients transform their lives, specializing in the areas of Self Esteem, Relationships, Anxiety, Spiritual Issues, Grief, Creative Blocks, and Stress. You can find her at

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