Today I am reflecting on impermanence, on how everything is in a constant state of change. For the past few years I’ve been sharing a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) bundle of local produce with my friend. Every 2 weeks I drive to the last working farm in Union County, NJ, (the same county that houses Newark airport!) to pick incredibly fresh and delicious seasonal goods. One of my favorite perks is we get to pick our own flowers for several weeks. I look forward to walking in their gardens filled with butterflies and grasshoppers, finding the most beautiful blooms to grace my home. Then this year happened. Throughout the summer, huge amounts of rain fell in the north east, causing unexpected flooding. And the flowers? The bushes are brown and mottled. A few courageous blossoms strain for the limited sun, but the picking is mostly non existent. Even in my disappointment, I’m glad that I savored those moments of last autumn, rather than rushing through them. I had been reeling from so much loss and felt healed by the fresh air, the slowed down rhythm, the diversity in color, and the boundless beauty all around me. I can appreciate the strawberries I can only get in June. And the orange squashes of autumn. And the sweet grapefruits of winter. I may not have access to them always. But I can make time to truly enjoy them while they are here.
Let us all enjoy what’s right here, right in front of us.
Backing into fall,
The Power of NO! – Part 2
Just Say NO to Assuming the Worst
By Kris Ferraro
It’s just so easy to “go there.”
The unexpected phone call from your accountant.
The text from the baby sitter.
The unknown reason your email has gone unanswered.
For those of us with reactive nervous systems, the slightest sign that anything could be wrong or off and our minds begin running the worst case scenarios.
“I’m going to be audited!”
“One of the kids are hurt!”
“He’s completely selfish and angry with me!”
This is common and oh so human. Not to mention painful! You get pulled out of your body and up into your head, preparing for disaster to strike. The joints tighten, the jaw clenches, the heart beat increases. And most of the time, those worst-case scenarios are completely unfounded.
“I’m getting a refund!”
“The kids are just fine.”
“He was busy with a work project.”
It’s important to face that emergency alarm going off in your head and bring yourself back from the brink of dread. And it’s surprisingly easy to do so.
Steps for Assuming the Best
1. Give the worst-case scenarios a place to go.
In other words, get them out of your head. You can do this by journaling. Putting fears out onto paper alone begins to depersonalize and neutralize them. Or call a friend you can vent to and pour it all out. Except this time tap on the collar bone points used in EFT while you are sharing. Just speak as you normally would, no specific wording is necessary.
2. Get grounded
You’ve gotten them out. Now, get back into your body.
Jump up and down, feeling your feet making contact with the floor.
Rub and squeeze the feet.
Walk barefoot outside, even if for just a few minutes.
Soak the feet in warm water and sea salt.
3. Get calm
Do one of my favorite energy medicine exercises from Donna Eden. Hold your neuro vasculars. Place a flat hand sideways across the entire forehead. Place your other hand across the back of your head. Hold your head, breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. If you can, lay down or have pillows to rest the elbows on so you’re completely relaxed while doing this.
4. Now affirm new possibilities
Let yourself daydream and be open to be new possibilities. Ask, “What is the best that can be happening here?” Allow new ideas to bubble up. Assume that person is actually a pretty good one most of the time. Assume everything can go right. Assume life is actually working for you. Assume it can be different than it was before.
And in cases where you may never get the answers, is there any value in assuming the worst? No way! If you’re going to fill in the blank, try filling it in with anything that makes you feel better. Like the example of the unanswered email. Say you never get a response. Here’s one that’s not only good to use, it’s also true: “It’s not about me.” We like to think it is about us, especially in assuming the worst. But the truth is, it almost never is. Everyone is making choices based on where they are at. And even if the other person thinks it’s about you, it’s really about their perception of you, the situation, and life as they know it. So, it really is all about them. If someone has ever gotten completely the wrong idea about you, you know of what I speak.
Be open to life working well and see what possibilities unfold.
Kris Ferraro is an International Energy Coach, Speaker, and Teacher. She compassionately helps clients transform their lives, specializing in the areas of Self Esteem, Relationships, Anxiety, Spiritual Issues, Grief, Creative Blocks, and Stress. You can find her at www.krisferraro.com.