It’s been quite a roller coaster, Sweet Readers!,
Since the last edition, I spent a week in gorgeous Asheville, NC, along with 100 other spiritual practitioners. We prayed, we chanted, we learned, and some of us even walked on fire! Yes, that includes yours truly. I had done that once before, when I was in my 20’s, and my life was quite simply a mess. I had gotten 2 big blisters as a result, and even so it was a very positive experience. I had faced my fears and did it! The workshop leaders has us write on a notecard, “On October 19, 1996, I walked on fire and I can do anything!” I still have it all these years later. Here I was, 22 years later, to the exact day, doing it once again, receiving only a tiny fleck burn of hurt that was completely gone the next day. I think I’ll try it again in another couple decades.
I got to speak at this conference on how the power in our practices relies on our ability to foster resilience, for both ourselves and the people we serve. I shared about my very difficult year and how I’ve been coming back from it. I felt very embraced. I savored the bustling downtown with fabulous farm to table restaurants and drove a stretch of the stunning Blue Ridge Parkway. If you get to NC, be sure to check it out.
Then I attended and volunteered at the first ever Autumn Energy Event! A full weekend of amazing presenters sharing on EFT, Havening, Emotion Code, sound healing, and so much more. There is a healing revolution happening and I am so thrilled to be a part of it. Join us next year. You will love it!
Shuffling through crunchy leaves and crispy air,
The Power of NO! – Part 3
Just Say NO to Guilt
By Kris Ferraro
It’s just so easy to “go there.”
That pang of heaviness. Those thoughts that awake you in the middle of the night. “I can’t believe I did that!” Guilt isn’t just an emotion. For some, it is a constant companion, zapping their life force and bringing them down.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. If we didn’t have guilt, wouldn’t we just turn into an entire world of sociopaths? Isn’t having a guilty conscious what keeps us in check? Isn’t that what makes us think of others’ feelings and not just our own?
Guilt does have a purpose. So, does anger, sadness, grief and all the other emotions we don’t enjoy feeling. They do indeed contain valuable information and lessons. But like those others, guilt unprocessed has devastating effects on our health and wellbeing. It also creates an energetic vibration that wreaks havoc in our relationships. Feelings of guilt invite experiences of punishment.
Chew on that one for a while. Yes, when you are perpetually walking around feeling guilty, you are sending out an energetic signal that you deserve to be punished. That can attract condescending bosses, chastising romantic partners and admonishing friends, not to mention speeding tickets! And some part of you may believe you even deserve such treatment.
And to be perfectly frank (as I am prone to do), I find it’s more often a habit than a legitimate response to mistakes. It can start in childhood like so many habits do. Children simply blame themselves for everything: their parents’ divorce, an aunt’s illness, a car accident. It isn’t right but it is classic child psychology. And then that becomes a pattern that carries well into adulthood. We’ve all known someone who is constantly apologizing for everything, like they are personally responsible for the rainy weather and bumper to bumper traffic.
Here’s a step by step plan for tapping on guilt:
- Admit you feel guilty for _________. Pick something recent or semi recent to start with. If it has a cord connecting it to a specific event from the past, it will likely come up in the tapping.
- Fill in the blank: “I feel guilty for __________ because __________”. Do some stream of consciousness writing here and include every possible reason why. Or create an audio on your phone where you speak out loud and keep filling in the blanks. Tap on each statement one at a time until each feels neutralized.
- Check back in. Is your guilt really accurate? You may realize, “Wow. This is SO not my fault. I can’t believe I’ve been blaming myself for that.” Those cognitive shifts EFT creates are such gifts.
- If a specific event comes up from the past, thoroughly tap on that using the Tell the Story Technique (see link for how to do this). If the memory is a trauma or feels too intense to resolve on your own, be sure to work with an experienced EFT practitioner or licensed mental health professional who uses energy balancing techniques.
- If after tapping, you still feel responsible for the feelings of guilt, create a plan to make amends:
- Be willing to be vulnerable.
- Get clear about what you said or did.
- Contact the person, admit your mistake and share how it has made you feel. Apologize. Ask if there’s anything you can do to make it better. Be willing to listen.
- Get support for this if needed.
I know, so much easier said than done. But I will tell you this, it will free you. And there isn’t one time when I’ve done this where the other person has yelled or metaphorically kicked me while I was down. Often, they will share that my actions bothered me much more than it bothered them. A few times, the response has been, “I don’t even remember that.” But always my honesty has been met with kindness followed by the most beautiful feeling of lightness.
We are perfect, infinite, marvelous souls living highly imperfect, messy, and mistake-laden human experiences. We try our best. And yet it’s just so easy to misspeak or overreact or let another down. It’s essential we work through the guilt and let it go. And if you find much of your guilt is just an old habit then congratulations!
Tapping can help you break that habit for good.
© Kris Ferraro 2018 All Rights Reserved.
Introducing: GOOD STUFF !
I am blessed to know some seriously extraordinary folks. They are out there, serving, teaching, writing, healing and sharing their gifts in ways that inspire me.
Meet Terry Maluk, a fellow tapper and serenely sweet soul. She’s written a must have book for nurses called:
Th book launches on November 27th, where you can get a Kindle version for .99! Put it in your calendar and buy that day for a crazy good deal. She’s also having a contest to win a signed copy.
Jondi Whitis is one amazing EFT teacher who has unleveled my tapping in every way. She’s also the creator and force behind the Spring Energy Event that happens in NJ every April. She’s written a book for EFT peeps and caregivers on leading tapping groups. I’ve read every word and as a seasoned group tapper, I can tell you, her advise and guidance is 100% spot on!
Kris Ferraro is an International Energy Coach, Speaker, and Teacher. She compassionately helps clients transform their lives, specializing in the areas of Self Esteem, Relationships, Anxiety, Spiritual Issues, Grief, Creative Blocks, and Stress. You can find her at www.krisferraro.com.